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6 Tips to Prevent Temper Tantrums for Children with Autism (Proactive Strategies 1-6!)

6 Tips to Prevent Temper Tantrums for Children with Autism (Proactive Strategies 1-6!)

6 Tips to Prevent Temper Tantrums (Proactive Strategies 1-6)

Take a deep breath and relax your shoulders. Now read this aloud!

"No amount of perfect parenting can prevent 100% of tantrums."

No matter how accommodating, giggly, and patient you are, your 2 and 3 and 4-year-olds are going to throw temper tantrums. Less often- and sometimes more severe- your 6 and 7 and 8-year-olds are going to tantrum. And though your teenagers will protest to the label, their shouting matches and slammed doors will conspicuously resemble their toddler tantrums of old.

Tantrum behaviors occur when a person can no longer regulate strong emotion(s). In a tantrum state, logic ceases to motivate behavior, and the person "hulks out." They act on overwhelming fear and run for the hills. They act on overwhelming frustration and scream, kick, and hit. They may be so overcome by sadness they openly weep in a public space.

No amount of coaching or rationale will work until the tantrum subsides. Once we’ve entered a full-blown tantrum state, all we can do is stay safe and wait for the emotions to subside.

So! In order to prevent a tantrum, we're going to implement strategies that prevent your child from "hulking out." Our tantrum behavior intervention plan (c. Tantrum B.I.P.) has 18 proactive strategies, and in this entry we’re going to review the first 6. While these strategies vary, each of them work under the united mantra, "don't let the pot boil over." Our goal is to prevent your child from "hulking out." Calm the volcano before it erupts. Help the waters come and go without breaking the dam and flooding all over.

These strategies will not magically guarantee success 365 days per year, but if you take these steps, you may cultivate the optimal environment for your child to process frustration and avoid resorting to a full-fledged tantrum!

1. Model the appropriate behavior.

Do you want your child to respond calmly and controlled to things that irritate and stress them? First step: show them that’s what you do. It's the hardest lesson, the most humbling, and one of the most important. 
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Immerse your child in a world where other people check their tone, take a breath, and lower their shoulders. Show them real adults know when to tap out and take care of their own emotions. When everyone else is doing the work, we can begin to persuade your child to do it too! 
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If a significant authority figure in a child's life flies off the handle daily, a child can hardly be blamed for normalizing such behavior.
* This article takes no patronizing tone when saying to “model the behavior.” Many of the parents I coach have multiple children, work jobs, and have to put up with a million small irritating occurrences on the daily. This step may feel impossible, but parents do the impossible every day. If you’re struggling, I highly recommend going to talk to a professional about it. Finding out why you’re lashing out, why it's so hard to process something someone else does, is a gift to yourself first and foremost, and it will assist your child’s behavior as well.
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2. Meet your child’s needs.

Is your child tantrumming because they got 1.5 hours of sleep last night, has low blood sugar, or has a toothache? They can hardly be blamed! 
Before doing something difficult where tantrums are likely, take all steps you can to ensure your child is hydrated, fed (good blood sugar), well-rested, comfortable, not in pain, or are not trying to meet a primal need.
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We can’t make children sleep through the night and we can’t vanquish migraines. But if we keep this step in mind, we will be doing all we can to ensure they’re in an optimal state ready for whatever comes.
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3. Prime expectations.

Stressors are bad, unexpected stressors are worse. Calmly communicate to your child what is upcoming in their day! Communicate how they can succeed in an upcoming particular setting and what they should expect to happen. Do what you can to prevent them from being surprised by something you knew was coming all along.

4. Transition gradually.

Imagine you’re driving a speeding sports car in the desert. If you’re going 200 m.p.h. and suddenly have to make a sharp turn, it will spell doom. If your child is engaged in an activity such that they’re not responding to others and we suddenly take it away, the reaction can be severe.
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Tell them about upcoming demands, like putting up signs of an upcoming turn 300 miles, 200 miles, 100 miles, and 10 miles before it comes. Tell them sternly, calmly, and confidently.
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5. Break tasks down.

Break demands into achievable, immediate steps. Instead of “finish your homework,” try, “first let’s sit in our chairs.” Instead of “go to work again today,” try, “first, lets just stand up out of bed.” Instead of, “go do your chores,” try, “first let’s clean up the red crayon.” Continue to break the big task down into micro-steps, and continue to complete them one after the other!
Sometimes the whole task can feel overwhelmingly daunting. The mountain looks too high to summit, but we can help our children by telling them just to take the first step!
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6. Engage in mutual social time.

If we are adversarial, distant, cold, combative, and competitive then issue a demand, the odds of a tantrum go way up. In contrast, if we spend time enjoying one another’s company, finding creative ways to laugh and add to the value of an activity based on your child’s interests*, we may decrease the odds of a tantrum when we ask for something of them.
Maintain a relationship in which you are their advocate, mentor, playmate and authority figure.
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*If you’re struggling to find ways to mutually enjoy an activity with your child, consult with your BCBA! Maybe the most important goal for your parenting will be finding ways to spend time together enjoyably!

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